Exposing the Underbelly

Theology and Politics from a Conservative, Biblical Perspective

Since Silvia’s mom (Rose) recently passed, the funeral is behind us and I’m looking back at Rose’s stay at her assisted living place. Unfortunately, I’m not happy with how things went toward the end of Rose’s life.

Silvia’s dad Karl was in the same place starting in 2012. It was independently owned at the time and existed under a different name – Sunrise. While living there, the staff loved Karl. He had consistent staff who cared for him. They made him Honorary Gardener and he would putter around in the flower beds, trimming flowers and prettying things up around the facility.

When Karl passed in 2015 the staff graciously allowed the family to have a memorial gathering onsite. Beyond this they provided all food and beverages free of charge for the memorial event. No one asked them to do that. It was amazing. They later had a dedication celebration, naming one garden after him.

Segue to January 2024 and things had changed. It was no longer Sunrise and independently owned, though I’m not sure when the parent company purchased the facility. The transition from Sunrise to The Grove in Fresno occurred shortly after Rose became a resident there. It had been purchased by WellQuest corporation to become part of their 26-facility conglomerate stretching from one end of the USA to the other. Soon after WellQuest bought Sunrise, they then sold the physical building to an investment firm named REIT (Real Estate Investment Trust). Wellquest then leased the building back from REIT.

When Rose first moved into her apartment at The Grove, things seemed fine enough. It wasn’t cheap, starting at about $6,000 per month (because of her specific needs), going up from there depending on specific services added. The Grove is where Rose wanted to be and it was her money. We were very glad she was in what we thought was a good place for her to be based on previous experience with Karl. However, things had changed and changes continued as time went on.

I certainly don’t want to sound like I’m nitpicking or complaining, but the reality is that we grew concerned about some of the unilateral decisions the Director of Wellness (DW) made that negatively impacted Rose’s health and care, some against Rose’s and family’s wishes.

I am trying to help readers who might be in a situation where either they or their parents are coming to that time in life of taking up residence in an assisted living facility. What I’d like to emphasize is that as much research as possible needs to be undertaken before choosing any facility. That seems to be especially true in blue states like California where medical care seems to be moving increasingly toward a socialistic outlook.

For a good part of her stay, Rose did well. She had numerous friends there and generally enjoyed things at The Grove. She had come to feel as though The Grove was her home. California has a law that says a person who is dying has the right to die in their own home and Rose believed she would eventually die there.

Eventually issues occurred with Rose. At one point, due to vertigo Rose fell and fractured part of her spine. She was taken to Kaiser Permanente where they seemed to do the minimum and then released her to a rehabilitation place, which was nothing more than a glorified nursing home. There she was allowed to simply lie in bed. There was very little rehab occurring. I think she had become afraid that she would never go back to The Grove.

One of the ladies the family had hired to help Rose a few days each week when Rose was still in her own home before selling it and moving to The Grove continued to see her at The Grove. She even went on her own time to see Rose at the rehab facility.

During this time the DW at The Grove called Silvia’s older brother Jack who oversaw Rose’s finances to tell him Rose could not come back to The Grove because they “could not keep her from falling.” Jack pressed the point and the Grove finally agreed Rose could come back only if she entered hospice. The problem with this is that she wasn’t really anywhere near dying yet, but to get back to The Grove, she would be classified as though she was near death.

After Rose returned to The Grove, because of her shaking due to Parkinson’s, the decision was also made that Rose could not eat in the main dining area. It was said that to be fed by another person in the main dining room would be “embarrassing” to Rose though no one at The Grove asked Rose her opinion. So, Rose had to take her meals at the Bistro that was outside toward the back, right near the main walkway where visitors constantly came and went. I’m not sure how this was less embarrassing for Rose.

When Silvia’s sister went out to stay with Rose for several weeks, she noticed that other residents were being fed by family members in the dining room. She tried to broach the subject with DW but didn’t get that far. There was at least one time when this same DW sought Silvia’s sister to have “a conversation” with her. What this meant was laying down the law and that was that because apparently, Silvia’s sister had done or said something “wrong.”

In the meantime, Silvia had gone out to stay with Rose in her apartment at The Grove after Silvia’s sister returned home. She noticed some of the things happening then that were ridiculous. I’m not sure how this happens, but for instance, the kitchen would run out of food. Silvia would eat with Rose and order a salad that sounded appealing on the menu, only to discover that when it arrived, it was essentially just lettuce, not much more. I don’t understand how a facility that charges $6,000 per month (in Rose’s case, though the average starting cost is $3,413/month), and runs out of food or does not seem to have adequate staff members on hand to take care of things. At one point Silvia noticed that during lunch, there was one server trying to deal with all the tables of all residents.

While Silvia’s sister had been there, Rose fell again while she was going to the bathroom although during that incident she had been attended to by staff at The Grove. So even though Rose fell while The Grove staff attended her, the DW made the unilateral decisions to 1) use a hoist with Rose every time they moved her and, 2) to now state that Rose could not use the toilet anymore but would have to relieve herself in a diaper all the time.

Imagine that. Rose was quite capable of moving from her bed to her wheelchair, to her couch with help, but The Grove simply couldn’t be bothered. She was now forced to relieve herself in her diaper, which for any cognitive adult, would be difficult and demeaning because it’s not what they were used to. It also meant that instead of being helped to the toilet (with two people, one on each side, if necessary), now staff had to actually change a diaper instead of just escorting Rose to the toilet. On one occasion that we know of, a staff member came into change Rose and in the middle of the process, was called away to help with someone else, leaving Rose essentially half-dressed, lying on her bed, having to wait for someone to come back and finish the job as the companions were forbidden from helping.

So, while Silvia was there, DW also decided that Rose (again), could not remain at the facility unless there were companions round-the-clock with her because the liability was apparently too great. I find that fascinating since the most recent time Rose fell was under the not-so watchful eyes of staff attending her on the toilet. This was initially denied by DW. However, when it was emphasized that Rose fell while The Grove staff accompanied her, DW simply changed the subject.

Silvia then asked when the round-the-clock companions needed to be in place. The answer was in the form of a question to Silvia: “When are you leaving?” Silvia replied, “Tomorrow.” DW responded, “Then, they need to be in place by tomorrow or Rose cannot stay here.”

Is that not ridiculous? It seems that she wanted Rose to be gone by any means as quickly as possible. Is it possible they wanted to rent out Rose’s apartment at a higher cost than they’d been getting? I’m just spit balling…

Our wonderful companion that had been with Rose for several years and continued to visit her after Rose moved into The Grove, immediately got going and said she could take care of that. Each companion had to be certified, etc., with proof sent into DW and by the next morning, we had five companions ready to go around the clock. I’m certain this surprised DW. First, even though DW supplied a list of agencies who could provide companions (starting at $48 per hour), our beloved companion was able to get us five qualified people for $20 per hour. They started the next day as Silvia left to return home.

There was someone with Rose every hour of every day and they quickly bonded with Rose and loved her. How could they not? As the son-in-law, I adored Rose and how many son-in-laws can say that?

However, DW would not allow them to do anything except sit with Rose, even though at least some of the five were fully qualified to do much more having worked at assisted living facilities previously. They were not allowed to help staff move Rose. They were not allowed to take her blood pressure or monitor any equipment used for Rose. They were told to simply sit and be companions for Rose. That was it.

Those five women were God sent. For the most part, Rose enjoyed their company, though I’m sure she continued dealing with the frustration of being severely limited in her movements and the fact that she had to relieve herself in her diaper. Rose could still communicate. She still had feelings she expressed. She still smiled and understood what was going on. She was still “with it.”

Over the ensuing weeks, the companions stayed in touch with us and as hospice’s role increased, they also kept us updated on how Rose was doing. The companions allowed us to video call them so that we could talk with and see Rose. We heard a good deal from them. At one point, one of the gals called to let us know that Rose was agitated. She said, “Rose is yelling at me in German and trying to hit me.” But she took none of it personally and did her best to calm her down. When that didn’t work, she called us and we helped calm Rose down. She kept saying she wanted to talk to her son, Jack. So, we got hold of Jack and asked him to call her to find out what the problem was. He did and as it turns out, Rose was deathly afraid of being kicked out of The Grove or going back to the nursing home (“rehab” facility). Jack assured her that would not happen, so in the end, it calmed her. The poor woman was overwrought by her fears.

During one video call event, as we were talking with Rose through a companion’s phone, my wife and I heard a voice (DW) in the background saying (to the companion), “We need to have a conversation.” The companion – very professional – explained that she was video calling with the family. Again, the DW insisted that she needed to have a conversation right then with the companion. So, the companion had to close the call, talk with the DW and then call us back. The hubris is stunning. The residents pay DW’s salary. I came to conclude that she was more suited to working in a women’s prison than a residential assisted facility for seniors.

Eventually, hospice took greater control and the DW went out of the picture. We continued to speak with Rose through the various companions. In fact, on Rose’s last day on earth, the Lord blessed us when we called into one of the companion’s phones to talk with Rose when hospice was there. Hospice had come in to reposition Rose because she had declined quite a bit by this time and was near the end.

While we were talking with the companion, she said, “Silvia, I need to call you back.” A few moments later, she did call back to tell us, “Rose has passed.” She passed while being repositioned and it was determined during the autopsy that she had suffered a heart attack. She went to be with her Lord and is enjoying the perfection that we only dream about in this life, but will one day experience.

Rose was a one-of-a-kind woman. She was fiercely loyal, had many friends and loved people as I’ve not seen in anyone else do in my lifetime. As noted, I truly loved Rose, but I am blessed immensely because I see part of Rose in my wife. I also see part of my wife’s father Karl as well. There are certain expressions that my wife has that mirror the way Rose expressed herself and Silvia’s gentleness mirrors Karl’s. I’m glad to see that they have passed part of their personality onto my wife. I’m also so glad Rose no longer suffers either from her own maladies or from people who seemed to not really care about her welfare.

I would encourage everyone having to deal with decisions related to assisted living care to research, research, research! Find out everything you can. You may also find that some residents of the place you are considering are afraid to speak their minds because they too are fearful of being kicked out onto the streets. More and more facilities are being gobbled up by huge corporations today and the care appears to be going down. It seems as though it is all about the almighty dollar.

It’s too bad things have come to this today. Assisted living facilities are big business and seem to reflect more of a socialized medical approach. These corporations continue to buy up one facility after another, they then seem to resort to cutting corners to  save money because of all the money that was spent buying up additional facilities. This may or may not have been the case with The Grove, but it certainly seems like it because of the numerous things we encountered while Rose was living there. I still don’t understand how a facility like that runs out of food. How does that happen?

We are grateful Rose’s care wasn’t worse than it was and we are also very grateful that Rose is now with her Lord and we will one day see her again.

When it comes to choosing an assisted living facility, I cannot encourage folks enough to choose wisely through sufficient research.

Theology and Politics from a Conservative, Biblical Perspective

Source: https://studygrowknowblog.com/2026/03/03/exposing-the-underbelly/