10 cringey phrases people with poor social skills tend to use (without realizing their impact)

From the Personal Branding Blog

Navigating social interactions isn’t always smooth sailing. Some people don’t realize they’re dropping cringe bombs that sink conversations.

The issue often lies in lack of self-awareness. They might think they’re being relatable, but in reality, they’re making their listeners squirm.

These phrases aren’t just awkward; they can damage relationships or even bust professional opportunities.

Let’s get started.

1) “You look tired”

There’s a fine line between showing concern and making someone feel uncomfortable. This phrase often crosses that line.

Telling someone they look tired might seem like an innocent observation. But let’s consider the implications.

Firstly, it subtly suggests that the person doesn’t look their best. Not exactly a confidence booster, right?

Secondly, it can come across as invasive, like peering into their personal life. Are you implying they’re not handling their life well? Are you suggesting they’re not coping?

Without realizing it, you’ve put them on the defensive.

2) “No offense, but…”

This one hits close to home, and I’m sure many of you can relate.

How many times have we heard, or even said, “No offense, but…”? It’s like a pre-apology before dropping an offensive comment.

I remember a time when a friend said to me, “No offense, but you’re not really cut out for singing.” Ouch, right? The preface didn’t soften the blow; it only made me brace for it.

This phrase is often used as a free pass to say something rude or insensitive. But, it does the opposite. It creates tension and can make the listener feel attacked.

If you have feedback to give, be direct and considerate. You don’t need to sugarcoat or hide behind a ‘no offense’. You’ll be appreciated for your honesty and tact.

3) “Actually…”

“Actually” might seem like an innocent word, but it can be a conversational landmine. When used inappropriately, it can come across as condescending or know-it-all.

Consider this: the word “actually” is often used to correct or contradict someone else. So in essence, you’re saying, “you’re wrong, and here’s the right information.”

In a study conducted by language expert James Pennebaker, it was found that the use of “actually” typically indicates a more stressful conversation. It’s because people feel their knowledge or credibility is being challenged.

Before you drop an “actually”, think twice. Is it necessary to correct the person? Can you do it in a gentler way? Remember, it’s not just about being right; it’s also about keeping the conversation friendly and positive.

4) “I’m not racist, but…”

This one’s a major red flag. It’s a precursor to a statement that’s likely to be, well, racist. Or at the very least, offensive.

The phrase seems to serve as an attempt to immunize the speaker from the impact of what follows. But let’s be real, it doesn’t work that way.

Just like “no offense, but…”, this phrase doesn’t absolve the speaker of the responsibility for what they’re about to say. If anything, it heightens the listener’s alertness for offensive content.

If you find yourself tempted to use this phrase, it’s probably best to rethink what you’re about to say. It’s likely that it’s something better left unsaid.

5) “Just kidding”

Humor is a powerful social tool. But when it’s used as a shield to hide behind after making an inappropriate comment, it’s not so funny anymore.

The phrase “just kidding” is often tacked onto the end of a potentially hurtful statement. The speaker might think it lightens the blow, but it rarely does.

The listener might be left feeling confused, belittled, or disrespected. After all, they’re left wondering if there was some truth hidden in that ‘joke’.

It’s always better to think before you speak and ensure your humor is appropriate and respectful. If you have to clarify that you’re joking, there’s a good chance the joke wasn’t well-received.

6) “It’s not a big deal”

Empathy is a cornerstone of great social skills. Dismissing someone’s feelings or experiences with “it’s not a big deal” is the antithesis of empathy.

When someone shares a problem or concern with you, they’re seeking understanding or support. Saying “it’s not a big deal” might seem like you’re trying to offer perspective, but it can feel dismissive.

It communicates that their feelings are invalid or unimportant, and that’s the last thing someone needs when they’re already upset.

What might seem insignificant to you can be monumental to someone else. Instead of minimizing their feelings, try saying something like, “I’m sorry you’re going through this,” which validates their emotions and shows your support.

7) “At least…”

Sometimes, when trying to cheer someone up, we resort to comparing their situation to something worse. We say things like, “At least it’s not…”

For instance, when I lost my job, a friend tried to console me by saying, “At least you have savings to fall back on.” As well-intentioned as it was, it didn’t make me feel better. It felt like my feelings of loss and insecurity were being glossed over.

This phrase can come off as dismissive and insincere. It might seem like you’re offering perspective, but it can feel like you’re belittling their feelings or situation.

Instead of starting your sentence with “At least…”, try saying “I can see how that would be tough.” It shows that you understand and acknowledge their feelings, which is what they need in a moment of despair.

8) “You always…” or “You never…”

When it comes to constructive conversations, these absolute phrases are surprisingly destructive.

Why? Because they box the person into a corner. It’s as if you’re saying they’re incapable of change or improvement. And that can feel both frustrating and unfair.

Consider a statement like, “You always forget to take out the trash.” It sounds more like an accusation than a request for change. The other person might become defensive, making it harder to reach a resolution.

Instead of using absolute phrases, try expressing your feelings and needs. For instance, “I feel overwhelmed when I have to take out the trash every night. Could you help me with this task?” This approach is more likely to result in positive change and less likely to spark an argument.

9) “Whatever”

This single word can carry a heavy load of dismissiveness and indifference. It’s often used as a conversation killer when someone doesn’t want to engage further or concede a point.

Saying “whatever” tends to leave the other person feeling unheard or disrespected. It shuts down the conversation and blocks any path to resolution or understanding.

It’s okay to disagree or not have the energy for a discussion. But express that respectfully. Something like, “Can we talk about this later?” or “Let’s agree to disagree” maintains respect and openness in the conversation.

10) “Calm down”

When someone is upset, the last thing they want to hear is “calm down”. It feels dismissive and invalidating. It’s as if their feelings aren’t justified or important enough to be acknowledged.

What they need in that moment is empathy and understanding, not a directive to suppress their emotions.

Instead of saying “calm down”, try “I can see you’re upset. Let’s talk about it.” This approach acknowledges their feelings and opens a path for communication. It’s a small change in phrasing, but it can make a world of difference in your relationships.

Final thoughts: It’s all about empathy

Understanding and navigating the nuances of human interaction is a skill, one that can be honed with awareness and practice.

In essence, it all boils down to empathy. When we empathize with others, we can better understand their feelings and perspectives. We become more mindful of our words and how they might be perceived.

Improving our social skills isn’t just about avoiding cringey phrases. It’s about fostering positive relationships, reducing misunderstandings, and contributing to healthier social environments.

So, before you speak, pause for a moment. Consider the impact of your words. Are they respectful? Are they kind? Remember, it’s not just about what we say; it’s also about how we say it.

As American author Maya Angelou wisely said, “People will forget what you said… but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

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