If you want your children to actually respect you, say goodbye to these 9 behaviors

From the Personal Branding Blog

There’s a vast difference between demanding respect from your children and earning it.

This difference lies in your behaviors. Demanding respect is about enforcing rules without explanation, while earning it involves understanding, communication, and change.

Earning your child’s respect means showing them how to respect others, including yourself. And believe it or not, there are specific behaviors that can hinder this process.

Here are nine behaviors you might need to let go of if you want your children to genuinely respect you.

Yep, parenting isn’t easy, but saying goodbye to these behaviors could make a world of difference.

1) Dictatorship parenting

Parenting is a delicate dance between guidance and control.

While it’s essential to set some ground rules, being overly controlling can often backfire. This behavior is what we call dictatorship parenting.

Dictatorship parenting is when the parent demands absolute obedience, makes arbitrary rules, and often uses fear as a tool for discipline. It involves very little listening and a lot of ordering around.

Now think about it. Would you respect someone who uses fear and intimidation to get their way? Probably not.

Children, like anyone else, crave respect and understanding. They are more likely to respect you when they feel heard and valued.

2) Lack of consistency

Consistency is crucial in parenting. I learned this the hard way.

I remember when my son was younger, I would often change the rules based on my mood, stress levels, or even the weather. One day, eating cookies before dinner would be allowed, and the next day, it would be a cardinal sin.

Talk about mixed signals, right?

One day, my son confronted me about it. He asked why the rules were always changing. He was confused and frustrated, and to be honest, so was I.

That’s when I realized that my inconsistency was not only confusing but also damaging his respect for me. How could he respect me when he didn’t know what to expect from me?

From that day on, I made a conscious effort to be more consistent with my rules and decisions. And let me tell you, it made a world of difference.

3) Being a friend, not a parent

Walking the line between being a parent and being a friend to your child can be challenging.

However, research shows that parents who overstep this boundary and act more like peers than parents can face respect issues with their children.

Children need structure, guidance, and boundaries to feel safe and secure. They get plenty of friends at school, in the playground, or at extracurricular activities, but they only get one set of parents.

When parents consistently act more like friends, it blurs the lines of authority and respect. This can lead to confusion about roles and expectations.

If you want your children to respect you as their parent, it’s essential to maintain that parent-child relationship. It doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly or have fun with your kids. It just means that you need to remember your primary role as their guide and protector.

4) Dismissing their feelings

Children, like adults, have a wide spectrum of emotions. And just like us, they want their feelings to be acknowledged and validated.

Dismissing a child’s feelings is one behavior that can erode their respect for you. When they express sadness, anger, or frustration and we brush it off or tell them to “stop being silly”, we’re sending a message that their feelings don’t matter.

But here’s the thing. Their feelings do matter.

Just because they’re young doesn’t mean their emotions are any less real or valid. By acknowledging their feelings, we teach them empathy and emotional intelligence.

If you want your children to respect you, it’s important to respect their emotions. Listen when they speak, validate their feelings, and help them navigate through their emotions. This will not only earn their respect but also strengthen your bond with them.

5) Negative criticism

Criticism is a part of life. We all receive it, and as parents, we often have to give it. But there’s a significant difference between constructive criticism and negative criticism.

Negative criticism is often harsh, unnecessary, and demoralizing. It can make your child feel inadequate and unloved. And these feelings can lead to a lack of respect.

On the other hand, constructive criticism is about helping your child improve. It’s about pointing out their mistakes and guiding them towards doing better.

If you want your children to respect you, it’s essential to shift from negative to constructive criticism.

The goal of criticism should be to help your child grow, not to bring them down.

6) Not following through on promises

Promises to a child are like unspoken pacts of trust and hope. And when we, as parents, fail to keep those promises, it can deeply hurt our children.

Imagine your child’s excitement when you promise them a trip to the park or a special treat. Then imagine their disappointment when you don’t follow through. It’s not just about the missed activity or treat; it’s about the broken trust.

Keeping promises is an essential part of respect. When we keep our promises, we show our children that we value our word and that they can rely on us.

If you want your children to respect you, it’s crucial to keep your promises.

I know life can get busy, and sometimes unexpected things happen. But remember, each kept promise adds a brick to the foundation of respect and trust in your relationship with your child.

7) Lack of self-control

Self-control is something I’ve struggled with in my parenting journey. There were times when I would lose my temper and react impulsively to challenging situations.

I remember one instance when I raised my voice out of frustration. The look on my son’s face was a wake-up call. I realized that my lack of self-control was not teaching him respect. Instead, it was teaching him that it was okay to lose control when things didn’t go his way.

That’s not the lesson I wanted him to learn.

If you want your children to respect you, demonstrating self-control is essential. It shows them that everyone, even parents, have to manage their emotions and reactions.

It takes practice, but over time, demonstrating self-control can earn your child’s respect and teach them a valuable lesson in managing their emotions.

8) Not apologizing when you’re wrong

Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes, even as parents. But what sets a good example for your child is the ability to acknowledge your mistakes and apologize when you’re wrong.

Not apologizing can send the message that it’s okay to avoid responsibility for our actions. It teaches children that it’s acceptable to blame others and never admit fault.

However, when we apologize, we show our children that we are human, we make mistakes, and most importantly, we take responsibility for our actions.

If you want your children to respect you, don’t shy away from apologizing when you’re wrong. It may seem like a small thing, but it can go a long way in earning their respect and teaching them about responsibility and humility.

9) Disrespecting them

At the core of earning your child’s respect is respecting them first. This is perhaps the most important thing you should know about this topic.

Respect is a two-way street. If we want our children to respect us, we need to show them the same courtesy. We need to acknowledge their uniqueness, value their opinions, and treat them with kindness and understanding.

It’s as simple as that. Respect begets respect. If you treat your child with the respect they deserve, they are more likely to reciprocate that respect towards you and others.

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