Losing Someone You Love – How Can I Go On?

Posted Aug 10, 2025 | End Times Watch | River Wilde

Even though we are in the end-times, life still happens all around us. People face difficult challenges; losing a job, enduring the heartache of poor health, and… Losing someone that you love through the process of death.

As little as it might be, I would like to offer some words in hopes to assist you with the process of grieving. I feel that there is power in understanding the grieving process, in hopes that it might propel you into successfully managing your hardship.

Grief is not a season you pass through like winter into spring—it is a river that becomes part of your landscape. You do not “get over” losing a spouse; you learn to live with a piece of your own soul missing.

When you stood together, the world had a certain balance. Their laughter anchored you. Their presence made even ordinary moments holy. And now, their absence seems louder than any sound.

Grief has layers: the shock that makes your hands tremble, the aching loneliness that creeps in at night, the strange guilt when you catch yourself laughing again. Every memory is both a gift and a wound.

But in the quiet, when you lean into the ache instead of running from it, something sacred happens. You start to realize that love is not buried in the grave. It changes form—it becomes the whisper in your heart, the way you treat others with more tenderness, the courage you find to keep living when you’d rather stop.

Faith tells us there is more beyond this life, that the one we love is not lost but simply waiting in a place where time no longer separates. Can you imagine this? Do you believe in this reality?

This knowledge is both comforting, as well as a bit difficult when used as the only solution in dealing with grief. “Yes, I’m happy that I will be with them in the next life, but what about now?”

Finding happiness now, even while longing for the day you’ll see your loved one again, is about learning to carry both grief and joy in the same heart. So, lets learn how we can do this.

When someone we love passes on, a part of us aches for them every single day. That ache doesn’t mean you can’t also experience beauty, laughter, and purpose in the present. In fact, your loved one would likely want your life to still have moments of light.

Here are some ways to find that balance:

Let love fuel your living, not just you’re longing.

Your relationship didn’t end—it changed. Their love for you still exists, and you can honor it by living in a way that reflects the joy, kindness, or courage they inspired in you. Moving forward is not just OK…It’s the correct way in healing a broken heart.

You are not betraying your love by finding happiness through other relationships in life. Give yourself permission to do so. Don’t overlook “Friendships” as a fabric of strength in mending the new you. It is not about replacing the one that you love with a similar person…This can actually complicate the process. Make it simple…Let new relationships, at ANY level, help you find your spark of happiness once again. It’s not just about romance.

Create a “living connection” now.

Instead of waiting for heaven to feel close to them, weave reminders of them into your daily life—cook their favorite meal, visit a place they loved, or carry on something they were passionate about. I feel that most people are successful in doing this.

We still want them to be a part of our lives. The success with this tool has to do with finding a proper balance. Let the frequency of this happen with the flow of your life. If doing something like this makes life harder, don’t do it as often. Pull back just a bit. Listen to your emotions to regulate how often this should be a part of your routine.

Give yourself permission to feel joy without guilt.

Some feel they are “betraying” their loved one by laughing or enjoying life too soon. But joy isn’t disloyal—it’s proof their love still gives life meaning. That’s really the goal here, isn’t it…To find Joy and Happiness once again?

This might be easier for you to regulate than you thought possible. Chances are, if you do not have this challenge, you have successfully processed this step. You realize that your spouse or loved on would want you to be happy. If during a good happy time, you are suddenly overcome with a cloud of guilt, then this is your clue that you need to revisit this and do a deeper dive.

If I were the one who had passed on, would I want my partner to find joy and happiness…even love again? Through your self-observation, it might flush out key pieces or boundaries for you to set. For example, if you feel that you wouldn’t want your spouse to get married within a few months of their passing, you might want to use that as a boundary for you in your life.

Over time, I feel that most people will even eliminate any boundaries that they once had. They will come to realize that their partner would want them to be as happy as possible in their progressing life.

Dealing with the “Elephant in the Room”

How can I find happiness when the one that I love is no longer here? This certainly makes a great deal of sense. This person was your happiness, now that their gone, it feels like they have taken my happiness with them. A true statement!

By asking the question, you are actually pointing out a key factor in solving the problem. Happiness = You Partner. Spending time trying to solve this equation in itself is impossible. Can you see that this being the case, you need to introduce some new factors into the equation?

Let’s start from the beginning…before you met your partner. Can you remember the time before them? You’re love “fuel tank” might have been on empty, but it was certainly no higher than ¼ of a tank…right?

Over time, your relationship grew into observing your fuel gauge as full. Perhaps even sometimes overflowing. So, how did it get there? Your relationship grew into something big. You had experiences with that person…some good, some bad. But over time you created this feeling of love that is noticeably missing from your life right now. This is the missing factor.

You can not expect to replace this same level of love and caring overnight, so stop trying to do so. The point here is that it’s time for you to nurture new relationships into filling that void in your life. You are not REPLACING what you had, you are building something new and different.

Regaining Your Self-Worth

Many couples find their self-worth as a team…a couple. Many friendships are the two of you with another couple. Its fair to say that this makes up for the majority of couple friendships. Some partners were successful in their career, and the other spouse found some self-worth in being part of that successful team. When the team is split up, those factors of an individual’s self-worth are missing.

It is my personal opinion that self-worth is THE most important element in successfully dealing with grief, so let’s spend some time here.

Increasing self-worth isn’t about suddenly “feeling good” all the time — it’s about gradually believing, deep in your bones, that your value isn’t dependent on performance, approval, or comparison.
Here’s a structured way to build it:

1. Change Your Inner Voice

• Catch the critic — Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Is your inner conversation cheering you on, or is it one of criticism, and how you are not good enough?
• Reframe — Replace “I’m terrible at this” with “I’m learning and improving.”
• Each day, listen to compliments that you are receiving. These are self-worth builders. Over time, your brain will default less to self-criticism.

2. Base Your Worth on Being, Not Doing

• Your value is constant whether you fail, succeed, or rest.
• Practice saying: “My worth isn’t up for debate.”
• Remember: achievements add to your résumé, not your worth.

3. Keep Promises to Yourself

• Start small —being kind to someone, and do it frequently.
• Following through builds self-trust, which is the backbone of self-worth.

4. Limit Comparison

• Social media often shows people’s highlight reels, not reality.
• Unfollow or mute accounts that trigger constant comparison.
• Replace comparison with curiosity: “What can I learn from them?” instead of “I’m less than them.”

5. Spend Time with Supportive People

• Seek out people who respect you as you are.
• Reduce time with those who constantly tear you down.

6. Align with Your Values

• Know what matters most to you (faith, kindness, growth, honesty, etc.).
• Each time you act according to your values, your inner self says, “I can trust you.”

7. Do Things That Build Competence

• Try new skills, volunteer, or take on a project that challenges you.
• Confidence from mastery spills over into how you see yourself.

8. Anchor in God’s Perspective (if faith-based)

• Scripture says your worth was so high, Christ died for you (Romans 5:8, 1 Corinthians 6:20).
• Meditate on verses that declare your identity as loved, chosen, and redeemed.

Would you like some help with this? Here’s a 30-day self-worth workout — short, simple actions each day that layer together to rewire how you see yourself.
Think of it like stacking small wins so your brain starts treating self-worth as your default.

Be proud of yourself. You have made it this far in the grieving process…that deserves a pat on the back, for it has been difficult.

Get excited for your continued life. Do you know that you already have a team of supporters? Take a moment to identify them:

Family

Friends

Church Family

Work Friends

Social Friends

Friends that you haven’t Met Yet

​​​​​​​Let them support you! Let them Love you! Accept their extend hand in wanting to help you, for this is actually how others find their self-worth…By helping others.

The overall goal here is to start developing happiness through other relationships. Again, I can not express this enough. The relationships do not need to be romantic. Don’t get caught up in thinking that this is the only way that you will ever be happy again. Yes, that certainly might happen, but so many other relationships are healthy and key in establishing your healing and happiness. Your best friend might be a big part of this.

Remember, Grief is the shadow cast by love. And even in the shadow, love still shines. Move forward, for that is where happiness lies. Recognize the sources that you are finding happiness and joy from right now, because that is the key. You are looking for more and more things that make you feel this way.

I have always been a seeker of adventure. Learning to rappel at the age of 50, because it was new and exciting. Well, even though you did not ask for it, you are finding yourself at the beginning of a new adventure…something new and exciting… can you feel it?

Take a moment to change your focus from, “I don’t have my partner thus I am unhappy” to, “I’m about to embark on the most adventurous time of my life!” Can you feel this energizing effect?

Now, don’t sit back and wait for it to happen. Let it begin with you. Live the excitement, love, and happiness that come from existing relationships. Seek new ones. You can do this by enrolling in a rappelling class at the university, joining an art class, and on and on. Put yourself out there.

I send you my love, even though I do not know most of you reading this. I too have lost a loved one…my son and best friend. I have felt a loss similar to what you are feeling. I no longer get to fly on a dirt bike over the sand dunes of Utah as we once did. I know that one day, he and I will be exploring the new adventures in the world that God has created for us beyond our mortal journey. I am excited to “Cloud Jump” with him there.

In the meantime, I choose to find happiness in other ways in which adventure is certainly still a part of.

I challenge you to do the same. We all don’t have much time on this earth, lets enjoy every day. Let’s realize what we have and not focus on what we don’t have. There is joy in this form of thinking.