Henchdogs

Yes, it was TACO Tuesday again this week when the American president dialed back the latest aggression. Ended a day after it started was ‘Project Freedom’ the less-evil twin of ‘Epic Fury’ intended to get ships moving through the Strait of Hormuz.

In fact this week the White House said the war was over. Seriously. Reporters were informed that a one-page MOU is coming – good enough for the Americans to take their aircraft carriers and missiles and go home. That’s why Trump did TACO again. He’s so desperate to get out of this mess that any deal is now a good one, even if it’s less than Obama got eleven years ago.

But does a war end just because one side has a midterm election coming?

Maybe not. Here is what the Iranian spokesguy responded with this morning: “Iran has its finger on the trigger and is ready; if they do not surrender and grant the necessary concessions, or if they or their devilish henchdog allies try to act mischievously, we will deliver a harsh and regret-inducing response.”

He said that. Henchdog. It’s current TikTok and Instagram slang for a Cane Corso, American Bully or similar aggressive, unsocialized, toxic male mutt bred for the purpose of scaring the hell out of your MIL.

It’s more evidence of how those crafty Persians have adopted the lingo, memes and medium of mainstream US social media to reach millions of Americans and render this a massively unpopular war. Now gas blew past $4.50 a gallon and it’s costing $1 billion a day to keep the military operation going, while the US has just depleted ten years’ worth of guided missiles. Apparently for nothing.

Anyway, this is not a geopolitical blog. It’s not even a henchdog site. Instead we’re all about making money so you can have financial security or at least enough wealth to boast anonymously online to complete strangers.

Oil prices crashed 11% earlier today on the news of maybe a deal with Tehran and, of course, the latest TACO. West Texas crude is back in the $90 range. Wall Street markets jumped at the opening with the S&P 500 pushing into new record territory and the Dow adding hundreds of points in early trade. Global indexes also romped – up 3% in Paris, 2% in London and 6% in Seoul.

Bond yields plunged. The benchmark Canada 5-year dipped 2.63% (a tenth of a point – big deal) which bodes well for long-term, fixed-rate mortgage costs. Gold added $150 an ounce, for a gain of almost 3.5% as investors bet on falling inflation with energy prices plopping. That helped push Bay Street higher by about four hundred points shortly after the day began.

There’s even more cheering investors.

AI spending continues to go nuts. US corporate profits have been outstanding – we’re not fully through the latest quarterly earnings season and the average bottom line has plumped more than 20%. Crashing crude prices will bring relief to the embattled airline and transportation sectors. United Airline stock soared 5%, as did the shares of cruise guys like Carnival and Royal Caribbean.

Meanwhile China is getting into the act. In advance of Trump’s trip to Beijing next week, that country has been cajoling its ally, Iran, allegedly smoothing the path for a deal with the US. China gets 40% of its oil imports from the Persians (via oil tankers) and buys 80% of Iran’s production. Trump – who single-handedly bears responsibility for the closure of the Strait – cannot look Xi in the eye without that shipping problem being solved.

So Mr, Market thinks this is the real deal. America has no choice but to settle. It will end up being a war about nothing, save the spilling of some blood and a lot of treasure. Damage to Gulf oil infrastructure is estimated to be $50 billion, and in Iran 13,000 targets were destroyed.

The moral of all this: Sheesh. Stay invested. Don’t be blown off course by political bombast, market volatility, geopolitical events or whipsaw market sentiment. Wars and extreme weather matter a lot less than corporate earnings or monetary policy. Your portfolio should be diversified (ETFs, not stocks) balanced (not just equities, fixed income too) and global (thirds Canada, US and international), with a quarter denominated in US$. Stuff your tax shelters. Have a joint non-reg account with your squeeze. Don’t time the market. Invest when you have money. Turn off BNN.

And never feed the henchdogs.

About the picture: “Hi Garth… Here’s a few of dogs from my archives I’ve photographed over the years,” writes Austin. “They’re not my dogs but I thought they could go in the dog bank. This one is of a dog in back of pickup during an early morning Timmy’s run in Duncan, BC.”

To be in touch or send a picture of your beast, email to ‘garth@garth.ca’.

Source: https://www.greaterfool.ca/2026/05/06/henchdogs/