Caring For You When Caring For A Loved One

Image credit

 

Looking after yourself as you care for a loved one receiving palliative care might seem like a redundant activity. After all, they are your focus while they spend their last remaining days or weeks with you. And they are indeed a top priority. But you cannot be there for them when they need you if you’re not taking care of yourself during this time, too.

It’s a hard place to find yourself in, and it isn’t easy. Loved ones can often feel like they’re not doing enough, and emotions can run high. This is to be expected; however, a life-limiting illness or condition can be stressful to deal with from your side of the fence, too, and relations can get strained if you are being pushed to your limits.

This post is going to look at some ways you can focus on yourself at this time so you can support your loved one as they navigate what a life-limiting illness looks like for them.

Eat Well

Eating a healthy, balanced diet as much as possible can be an excellent way for you to care for yourself during highly stressful times. Whether you’re an emotional eater or skip meals when the going gets tough, caring enough for yourself to fuel your body correctly can give you the support you need to care for your health and provide ongoing support when needed. 

Even if it’s snacking on fruit over chocolate and sweets or batch cooking healthy meals you can quickly heat up in a microwave, you need to focus on nutritional meals to give you the energy you need to sustain care for this period.

It might be a good idea to look into meal delivery services that deliver ready-prepared nutritious meals you don’t have to shop for or cook—simply heat and eat—so you’re getting what you need.

 

Sleep

Sleep can be elusive at this time, depending on the stage of applicative care and the situation. However, you need to make sure you’re attempting to get sleep, even if it’s not much. Your body needs to sleep, too; without it, it can be completely dysregulating, leaving you feeling exhausted and more vulnerable. It can also impact your mood, meaning you’re not able to be the person you want to be. Even if you can’t get a full night’s sleep, trying to take naps when you can can be beneficial so you can rest and recharge. If you have a palliative care support team or nurse, talk to them about taking breaks so you can sleep; they will understand and can help you arrange time to rest even when it’s challenging.

 

Support

You need support as you’re offering support to your loved one, and your emotional needs should not be neglected at this time. While taking on the bulk of the work yourself is admirable, the stress and strain of what you are coping with can be a lot to deal with, even for the strongest person.

With this in mind, talk to family and friends about helping you, even if it’s just a call to chat about things. For example, talk to a counsellor or someone in a support group who has experienced this. Talk to healthcare professionals about what help is available for you at this time, and you can move forward with getting what you need while you deliver the care and support your loved one needs at this time.

 

Take Regular Breaks

You might not want to or even feel you need to, but you do need to remember to take breaks for yourself, even if only for short ones. It doesn’t actually matter what you do during these breaks; it might just be grabbing a coffee and a five-minute breather. But the important thing is you do it..

Take time for yourself, go for a walk, read a book, take a bath, or play solitaire on your phone to take your mind off the situation. Do anything except deliver care that usually do and that helps you to do something else giving your body and your mind a break from what you are dealing with. The impact of this can be immense, and even frequent 5-minute breaks can be beneficial to give you what you need.

 

Cut Yourself Some Slack

Watching someone as they’re dying isn’t easy. But this scenario can give way to thoughts on many aspects of your life together and lead to many what-ifs. These what-ifs can be detrimental to your mental health and your ongoing relationship.

Maybe you feel like you’re not doing enough when, in reality, there is nothing more you can actually physically do. If so, try not to be so hard on yourself. You are going through an extremely emotional and vulnerable time, and if you’re punishing yourself for things you didn’t do or think you aren’t doing enough of or well enough, this will make things harder than they need to be. So stop overthinking it, cut yourself some slack, and allow yourself to do what you can do now without added pressure.

 

Feel Your Emotions

You’re likely experiencing a range of emotions at this time, and none are bad or “right.” You simply need to allow yourself to feel everything you’re feeling. If you feel you cannot do it in front of your loved one, take yourself off to be alone or with others to do this. But bottling things up until after they pass is not healthy or even helpful.

You can feel joy for the life you had and the good times you experienced. You can feel anger and frustration as it’s being taken away from you, as well as sadness and despair. You can and should feel it all. And you should let yourself feel it without punishing or admonishing yourself for feeling this way. Emotions are how you express yourself and process the world, and this experience is no different. You will be better for it instead of letting everything build up inside you.

 

Communicate

Communication is vital when caring for someone at the end of life. Communication with each other is important if you’re able to. This can help you understand how they want their last moment with you to be. Do they want visitors? Are they feeling sad or upset? Do they need something from you and vice versa? Communication is a powerful tool for you both however this looks.

You also need to continue communicating with caregivers and health providers to get the medical and emotional assistance you need. You should also keep your family and friends updated on how things are and what’s happening and get any additional help you might need from them.

Even if you don’t want to, communicating is the best way to move through this and get everything you need when you need do it to make life as easy as possible.

 

Have Boundaries

This type of care calls for you to be as selfless as possible when delivering end-of-life care or supporting someone at this stage of their lives. However, you still need to have boundaries in place. These boundaries will depend on you and the situation you are facing. 

Having limits and learning to say no or not do certain things can help you avoid piling too much on your plate and the entire situation is far too much for you to handle. It can be worth talking to any other caregivers or support you might have about your boundaries, what you can or can’t do, and what you won’t be able to do so you can share the load and you can manage what you do.

 

Have One Point of Contact

If keeping a lot of people updated about what is happening or organising visits and people come to say their last goodbyes is too much for you to handle, find one single point of contact so you can deliver any information and arrange it all in one place. It might be a family group chat where you relay vital details as required so everyone is updated at once. You might prefer to talk to one person who can do this on your behalf, make any visitation arrangements, and deal with issues outside what you are living with to reduce being overwhelmed. Whatever works for you, find a way to make dealing with other people easier so it doesn’t increase your already massive mental load.

Caring for yourself as you care for a loved one at end-of-life care can be an upsetting and overwhelming time. You, of course, want to do what is best for them during this stage, but if you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t continue to care for them as you want to. Put your priorities in the mix, give your body what it needs nutrition-wise, take breaks, talk to people, get outside, get some fresh air, and lean on others to help you. This way, you give yourself the best chance of delivering care as you need to without compromising on your mental and physical well-being.