Instead of Bad-Mouthing a Book I'm Reading

A joke!

Your four favorite White Guy Tech CEOs, New (old) Atheists, or Evolution-minded Public Intellectuals walk into a bar.

The Bartender says, “what’ll it be?”

As they’re mulling over the wine and craft beer selections, Natural Selection barges through the door and says, “For my favored people, a round of Budweiser, the King of Beers! Actually. Make it all Bud, all night, on me!”

So, those Guys have to drink Bud all night and listen to Natural Selection rant and rave about the inverse relationship between penis size and IQ, every-so-often gazing at their crotches. Eventually Natural Selection can’t hold back any longer.  “I did that,” he says. “For your own good,” he says. “And, most of all, for the good of Mankind. Now drink! You have to drink when I say so! I chose you! Ah-Hahahahahaha! Ah-hahahahahha!”

You were expecting a drole or clever punchline? Think again. Natural Selection is not funny. 

If you’re reading this, then you probably paid a pound of penile flesh. Not funny. 

Who am I calling “you”? You, as in the evolutionary you. The you who is a fish, but not your mother. Ew. No, the you who is an ape, but not any dead human with a name, but all of them who had no names, those are you. Those people, that’s you and all of their ancestors all the way back to single-celled animalcules. That’s you. And that you are them is why we can say that you sacrificed part of your penis to be able to read and comprehend this. 

Women didn’t get away scott free, either. No, across the great gender divide, there, on the other side of the grand sex canyon, Natural Selection is definitely not funny over there either. 

Not only did women get the shaft by not getting one of their own (and boy oh boy is the world paying for that collective complex), but, instead, they got childbirth. 

Which! Which would be so much easier if men’s penises were bigger and had driven women to evolve bigger vaginas. 

Instead, men’s penises laid themselves down on the altar of Man’s encephalization where Natural Selection limited its size so that he/it/The Force could enhance a more useful, more necessary feature: the brain.  

It’s a zero sum world, after all. There are limits to what’s possible and we know them precisely. 

And, given we’d love to have larger penises in this world, but there aren’t, then it logically, scientifically, factually follows that they simply cannot get any bigger and we can, ipso facto, blame the reason on the very organ that does the reasoning! 

There is grandeur in this view of life, but not in penises, and definitely not in vaginas, and that’s science.