In The Latest Saga Of The Mets Wanting To Be The Yankees...

Steve Cohen and the New York Mets—baseball’s answer to that one person in high school who keeps trying to reinvent themselves to impress the cool kids, only to trip over their own shoelaces. The latest twist in the Mets’ ongoing obsession with the Yankees? A desperate grab at bullpen pieces that might as well come with pinstripes stitched in for good measure.

According to Dan Bartels of the New York Post, the Mets are considering a trio of options for their bullpen, including Yankee fan-favorite Tommy Kahnle. Bartels’ tweet sums it up:

“If the Mets don’t spend big in the bullpen: David Robertson, Chris Martin, or Tommy Kahnle could be a fit, per @NYPost_Mets.”

All former Yankees by the way.

Oh, the audacity! Kahnle, who practically breathes Yankee mystique, posted a career-best 2.11 ERA, fanned 46 batters, and boasted an absurd 59.8% ground-ball rate. Naturally, this would make him a tempting target for a team that has spent the better part of the last decade looking like they’ve been cursed by the ghost of Bobby Bonilla’s contract.

But wait—this is the same Mets team that’s already poached Clay Holmes and Frankie Montas, two former Yankees by the way. Did I mention that they were former Yankees? Are we seeing a pattern here? Maybe Steve Cohen isn’t building a team so much as he’s collecting Yankees like they’re Pokémon cards. What’s next? A monument at Citi Field dedicated to “Almost Yankees We Paid Too Much For”?

And then there’s the Juan Soto saga. Former Yankee. Cohen’s near-obsessive pursuit of the slugger reportedly included outlandish offers—rumored to flirt with a near billion-dollar price tag and a luxury suite for Soto’s family. Really? NEARLY A billion dollars? That’s Bezos money, not “we’re still paying for Max Scherzer’s arm and Justin Verlander’s ghost” money.

But here’s the kicker: the Yankees and us Yankee fans couldn’t be happier about the Mets taking Soto off the market. With their rivals distracted, the Bronx Bombers were free to bolster their lineup and pitching staff, leaving Mets fans wondering if Cohen is secretly a double agent sent by Hal Steinbrenner.

If Cohen wants to mimic the Yankees, here’s a free tip: it’s not about signing players who used to be good in pinstripes. It’s about cultivating a winning culture, making smart investments, and, oh yeah, not treating your team like a vanity project. Until then, the Mets will remain what they’ve always been: the Yankees’ shadow, forever chasing the light.

Good luck with Tommy Kahnle, Mets. Maybe he’ll bring some of that Yankee magic with him. Or maybe he’ll just bring another reminder that Citi Field is where pinstriped dreams go to die.

But I actually hope Kahnle comes back to the Yankees. I liked him there, and I know he loved being a Yankee.