I Boogie with Bobby To Help Calm My System

For a wonder I got nothing but good news for the last few days!

It took a couple of days to “come down” completely from the almost two weeks before that of panicking over food benefits. I’ve learned that it’s better if I don’t just “move on” too quickly. What I have to do instead is work with intention to calm my entire system down after being riled up from fear levels like that– especially if I was panicking a lot over a course of several days. That fucks up my whole body, and I have to intentionally work to heal that.

I’ve been learning how to do just that for years at this point, including with help from therapy. I do talk therapy once a month with Josie, who works with abductees with Complex PTSD. And– I’ve had a lot of success with IFS or “Internal Family Systems” therapy. I’ve decided to do a once a week check-in OR active work with an aspect to help myself. It’s actually really effective, so walking away from it for almost 5 years isn’t the best decision I ever made. I just dropped the ball on that, and I realize I need to pick that ball right back up!

Cat’s been great! She’s been my friend and allowed me to be hers and our new (old) thing is working very well.

Mike showed his deep respect for me when he asked me to look over his blog post about an experience we shared (saw an owl when I told him I was taken by aliens again). That reassures me!

And I– have been doing all the things I need to do to help myself calm down after being negatively aroused by a panic attack period.

Thrice this week I got on my Pandora music subscription site (it’s cheap, and I’ve had it since 2007!) put on my Bose headphones, and called on my child shadow Bobby. Bobby is the part of me who is the greedy kid who loves candy. He’s my sugar craving guy– specifically sucking on hard candy because sucking equals solace to him.

But he also likes pop music you can dance to! So, though my fatigue was too much to jump around on my feet, I “bed danced” with him, which involves wiggling around and waving my arms a lot. I listened to pop music and he was happy to join. For some reason, I pictured him dancing (on his feet) slightly to the right of my field of view– who knows why? But I clearly “saw” him in my minds eye.

Bobby is all about soothing me, or distracting me, from things that are scary. But he’s a Shadow, as most Child Aspects are, because you can’t suck on candy all the time. Or dance around all the time. But he got shamed pretty heavily by adult Rays (or Managers) who tried to shut down his embarrassing me or ruining my teeth.

But come on! DANCING? That’s an awesome coping mechanism– just be-bopping around (literally to Cyndi Lauper’s “She Bop” at one point) and getting lost in sound and motion. It’s actually healthy. And though my fatigue was an issue, any motion or exercise is good.

As we get older, music doesn’t do it for us the same way as in our teens and twenties. Our brains mature, and one down side is that we don’t get the same dopamine “hit” from it we got when younger. So, I haven’t been listening to music, let alone pop dance music, much these days. I miss it, but it seems like I can’t get in that head space to want to listen to it as much, especially since I hit menopause (though this hits men just as much.)

Bobby is a dopamine delivery boy. Sugar and bopping around to music– all about the dopamine baby! And I had a little ice cream one night too, but I’m trying to bring my sugar levels down. My sweet tooth is way crazy, and I didn’t want that to be my only self-soothing thing. So I did the music thing instead. I listened to an hour to an hour and a half of pop music while singing or wiggling along to it, Bobby joining me in my imagination, and I really, REALLY enjoyed it! I actually got into the music like I can’t normally get into it. It was like calling up the child-brain from Bobby changed my perception enough to get me into the “zone” of it. Weird, but I’ll take it! And in my mind’s eye, the normally sullen Shadow character, shamed for his “naughty” dopamine cravings, was smiling and dancing around. I’ve spoken to him before, and we made some peace, but I think with young aspects, ACTIVITY might be more effective. I show him I’m on his side, and that he has a legitimate and desired function in my Internal Family, by just giving him some attention and doing what he wants in a healthier way. The Rays (big adult bosses of the Internal Family) relax because we’re doing something healthy, and Bobby gets approval and affirmation by me, the Central Self!

Furthermore, motion is what’s needed to “shake off” a panic attack. Walking, dancing, running, calisthenics– whatever! Part of why I chose to bop around as best I could, even on top of a bed, was to get that energy from being so tightly wound up out of my system.

Next week, I’ll tackle another Aspect– or hug them, whatever! But this week, it was about healthy dopamine tapping for the system that’s been through the wringer, as well as shaking off the residual negative energy. It genuinely helped, and I’m almost back to my normal (always a little too vigilant and tightly wound) self.