IFS Pre-Meeting with Advocate/Witch & Major Ray

GOOD NEWS!

Cat got a $2 an hour raise (after 3 years without any) and a new title with a new salary cap, so she’s up for future raises. (Her last job title was in a department where she was at the top of their pay scale when they hired her.) She and I decided to go out to dinner to celebrate. For me, it means a little less pressure and resentment from her that I’m dealing with all these issues that revolve around money. It also means she won’t be tempted to raise rent to offset the suddenly escalating living costs. Lots to celebrate there!

And we went out and had a nice time. In general, we’re doing well these days, which is a relief after all the bullshit she’s been giving me for simply standing up for myself. But either she was going to stop or I was going to do something desperate– like move out with no where to go. I was at that point or I never would have pushed back. The problem with that strategy (of accepting all the negative until I was pushed to leave) was that I made myself the easy target for her ire and negative dumping. I couldn’t take it anymore or I would have– that’s the sad truth of the matter.

A little good news in the midst of all this dark chaos seems well-timed. But then… all good news is well-timed, no?

Before we left, I found myself in a state of relief that allowed me to just THINK and imagine and I found myself thinking about my work with child aspect Bobby. And I thought about the issues before me and what I needed to tackle next with my IFS/Aspect work.

And I conjured Bitter Witch/Advocate for a check-in. She was better! Not nearly as overwhelmed as the last time I checked. She admitted she was the one who “couldn’t take it anymore” and started losing her temper with Cat. She was the one who’s always defended me with all the words words words! It was me blending with this Aspect, finally having enough, and standing up to Cat (and at least 5 other people over the last year who have stepped over what is acceptable to me, like Camilla and Amara). Since it made a difference in a positive way, she’s coming back out of the “beaten up by life” stage of existence. I congratulated her!

 
And though she’s proud of being my inner Advocate, she still likes the name “Witch”. “The name Advocate is too sterile, too… practical and pedestrian,” she said. So maybe we go with the name “Shield Witch”? But no. No, she likes the badass name of Redwitch, which is a name I’ve used a few times for role-playing games and such, so… why not? Red for controlled rage, and witch for being a badass who has the power to change things! I guess we’re on her third and hopefully final name!

Anyways, I was happy that things were working for her, and that she and I were successfully working some stuff out. I asked her about helping me confront some Shadows and/or Freakers that she was protecting and/or dealing with, and she agreed. But then Major Ray showed up– poked in his head and then came and sat. Apparently, he and Bitter– uh, that is, Redwitch– have begun a dialog and have been combining their powers to come up with strategies for my current crisis period.

The last time I saw Major Ray was after a huge thing was over and I told him to take a little vacation. He did. But that period is over now! He’s just trying to help me get through each thing as it comes. He helps me deal with “the world” and it’s dangers. That’s clearly a huge issue these days. Redwitch helps with the personal one-on-one confrontations that may happen or need to happen. She’s the one talking when I have pretend confrontations too– which is kind of obvious when I think about it. But they both defend me, so they have things in common. I guess they never really talked before–? It’s weird when pretend figures in your head give you news that can surprise you! But okay, it’s all about the subconscious stuff just under the surface, so I followed along. Point is, they were working together for my dealing with things like talking in person to the SNAP lady. Redwitch would have to say something in the right way at the right time, and so they combined their powers since their interests aligned.

Major Ray and I agreed to have a longer check-in later, because things are rather hopping right now, and that would be a good move. But then I also told him that I needed to work with the Aspects that are sabotaging me with fear rather desperately right now. He brought up a couple of Aspects right away. A Shadow part of myself that he oversees/protects/deals with who starts to freak out and goes in circles trying to solve problems when it appears very bad consequences are possible if I fail to figure it out. A bunch of the others will just… leave when shit gets hard. But she steps in and handles things very badly and tends to make things WORSE. Then, a Freaker steps in to calm her down, but she does it with “Forget-It” dust or something. Basically, there’s an Aspect who tries to calm the system by just making everyone forget… everything. Major Ray told me both parts are a huge problem for the system right now, and he would get prepared to introduce us for some one-on-one sessions in the near future. I thanked him, and then it was time to leave for dinner.

So I got two new Aspects who are a problem lined up! And he jumped in to help when he heard me talking to Redwitch about it, so… yeah, I guess I’ve won over several inner Aspects, including Rays. I know my self-sabotage is driving parts like him absolutely bonkers, so my being willing to work on things again and BOOM! There he is!

Stay tuned!