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Florida Uses New Scientific Method to Separate State from Continent to Make it Easier to Keep New Yorkers and Californians from Moving There

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WARNING! Rated G-PS for POLITICAL SATIRE

The Kamel and Knat
Witnesses that were getting ready to drive into Florida from Georgia and Alabama and stopped by state police from all three states were astonished when they felt what seemed like a mild earthquake causing the state of Florida to separate from the rest of the continent. It is estimated that Florida is now about 100 miles away from the rest of the country. According to Governor Ron DeSantis, newly discovered technology was used to accomplish this so that the Florida government can monitor who tries to come to the state by boat and plane. DeSantis went on to say, “we don’t want just anyone in the state anymore, especially people from liberal and leftist states like California and New York. We will be treating people from those states like we would people wanting to legally come to the U.S. from other countries. If you’re fleeing liberal and leftist states because of failed policies but haven’t changed your views, we don’t want you here.” When asked if Florida plans on trying to secede from the union, DeSantis smiled and said, “we’ll see.”

We will update you as this story progresses.

~ Pester Brat Reporting



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