If God Celebrated Christmas the Way Humans Do
If God Celebrated Christmas the Way Humans Do
(Don’t miss: I Am Your God – The Return (Official Music Video)
If God celebrated Christmas the way humans do, the universe would not survive December.
Galaxies would be scheduled for attention between shopping trips. Entire species would be forgotten because they didn’t send a card. Planets would be judged on presentation instead of substance. And the laws of physics would be briefly suspended for the sake of tradition.
It would be… a mess.
Day One: God Declares a “Special Day”
God announces that one day is holy now.
The other 364 days? Regular. Mediocre. Spiritually off-duty.
Black holes file complaints.
Oceans stop bothering to regulate tides.
Evolution shrugs and takes the week off.
If holiness can be condensed into a single date, the universe quickly learns it doesn’t matter the rest of the time.
God Chooses Favorites
God decides some beings are “special loved ones.”
Angels get VIP seating.
Certain humans get exclusive blessings.
Others are politely ignored.
Stars flicker in protest.
Entire civilizations collapse due to divine neglect.
Molecules begin asking why they even bother holding together.
Equality was doing a lot of heavy lifting. Once it’s gone, reality starts cracking.
God Gets Distracted by Decorations
Instead of maintaining spacetime, God becomes obsessed with aesthetics.
Nebulae must be red and green.
Rings of Saturn are judged “too minimalist.”
Earth gets extra glitter despite already being unstable.
Planets are ranked.
Solar systems compete.
Existence becomes a performance.
Entropy accelerates out of spite.
God Gives Gifts Instead of Wisdom
Rather than guidance, God hands out presents.
Some receive abundance.
Others receive nothing.
Many receive things they didn’t need and can’t use.
Civilizations begin measuring worth by what they receive rather than how they live.
Jealousy spreads faster than light.
Gratitude collapses into comparison.
God wonders why everyone is unhappy despite the gifts.
God Encourages Overindulgence
For one season, moderation is suspended.
Stars burn hotter than designed.
Species consume beyond their limits.
Civilizations celebrate by numbing awareness.
Cosmic hangovers follow.
Systems fail.
Lessons are postponed “until January.”
The universe gains weight it can’t carry.
God Says “It’s the Thought That Counts”
Intent replaces action.
Neglect is forgiven because feelings were nice.
Harm is excused because it wasn’t meant.
Responsibility is deferred until next year.
Cause and effect break down.
Natural laws resign.
Reality becomes vibes-based.
This turns out to be catastrophic.
God Requires Participation
Anyone who doesn’t celebrate correctly is labeled “difficult,” “ungrateful,” or “negative.”
Planets opt out and are shamed.
Species that refuse the ritual are excluded.
Entire galaxies are guilt-tripped.
Forced joy spreads like a virus.
Authenticity goes extinct.
Ironically, peace is mandatory.
God Posts About It
God uploads photos.
“Best Christmas ever.”
“Blessed.”
“So grateful for my inner circle.”
Meanwhile:
Three suns collapsed.
Two dimensions are leaking.
One civilization went extinct quietly because it didn’t fit the narrative.
Comments are turned off.
January Arrives
God returns to normal operations.
The universe is damaged.
Trust is broken.
Systems are out of balance.
God is confused.
“Why didn’t this bring unity?”
“Why does everyone feel emptier?”
“But we celebrated…”
The universe responds:
Celebration without consistency is abandonment.
The Moral (Because There Is One)
God doesn’t celebrate Christmas the way humans do because reality cannot survive selective love, scheduled compassion, and performative holiness.
If God loved like that:
- The universe would collapse from neglect
- Equality would evaporate
- Meaning would be replaced with optics
Thankfully, divine love—if it exists—is not seasonal, selective, or symbolic.
It is constant.
It is boring in its reliability.
It does not need decorations.
Final Line (Cosmic Mic Drop)
If God acted like humans do at Christmas, existence itself would qualify for a Darwin Award.
Luckily, the universe is held together by something far less festive—and far more honest.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED:
Why “Paralyzed by Positivity: When Evolution is Ignored” by Ricardo & Wrinklebuddy Is the Book to Read for 2026 and Beyond (free and available…
Anyone can join.
Anyone can contribute.
Anyone can become informed about their world.
"United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
Before It’s News® is a community of individuals who report on what’s going on around them, from all around the world. Anyone can join. Anyone can contribute. Anyone can become informed about their world. "United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
LION'S MANE PRODUCT
Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules
Mushrooms are having a moment. One fabulous fungus in particular, lion’s mane, may help improve memory, depression and anxiety symptoms. They are also an excellent source of nutrients that show promise as a therapy for dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases. If you’re living with anxiety or depression, you may be curious about all the therapy options out there — including the natural ones.Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend has been formulated to utilize the potency of Lion’s mane but also include the benefits of four other Highly Beneficial Mushrooms. Synergistically, they work together to Build your health through improving cognitive function and immunity regardless of your age. Our Nootropic not only improves your Cognitive Function and Activates your Immune System, but it benefits growth of Essential Gut Flora, further enhancing your Vitality.
Our Formula includes: Lion’s Mane Mushrooms which Increase Brain Power through nerve growth, lessen anxiety, reduce depression, and improve concentration. Its an excellent adaptogen, promotes sleep and improves immunity. Shiitake Mushrooms which Fight cancer cells and infectious disease, boost the immune system, promotes brain function, and serves as a source of B vitamins. Maitake Mushrooms which regulate blood sugar levels of diabetics, reduce hypertension and boosts the immune system. Reishi Mushrooms which Fight inflammation, liver disease, fatigue, tumor growth and cancer. They Improve skin disorders and soothes digestive problems, stomach ulcers and leaky gut syndrome. Chaga Mushrooms which have anti-aging effects, boost immune function, improve stamina and athletic performance, even act as a natural aphrodisiac, fighting diabetes and improving liver function. Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules Today. Be 100% Satisfied or Receive a Full Money Back Guarantee. Order Yours Today by Following This Link.
| Visits: | 1,761,317,540 |
| Stories: | 8,554,464 |
Whistler Blowers, Insiders
