7 subtle things a narcissist ex will do when you start dating someone new, according to psychology

From the Personal Branding Blog

Starting a new relationship should be an exciting time, but what if your narcissistic ex refuses to let you move on?

Psychology suggests that narcissists often use subtle tactics to keep you in their orbit, making it hard to fully escape their influence.

From creating unnecessary drama to indirectly involving themselves in your life, these behaviors can cause emotional strain and tension in your new relationship.

Knowing the signs can help you set boundaries and protect your mental well-being while you focus on your fresh start.

So without further ado, let’s dive in:

1) They’ll play the victim

It’s a classic move.

Your narcissistic ex might pull out the victim card when they realize you’re moving on.

Suddenly, they’ll reminisce about the “good old times” and how much they miss them.

They might express regret for their past actions or paint themselves as the one who was “wronged” in the relationship.

Why do they do this?

The aim is simple.

It’s an attempt to evoke sympathy and make you second-guess your decision to move on.

It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you feel guilt and possibly stir up old feelings.

But here’s the thing, it’s not about them being genuinely remorseful or wanting to make amends.

It’s about control and maintaining influence over your emotions and decisions.

So next time they play the victim, it might be worth reminding yourself of this.

2) They try to maintain contact

This one hits home for me.

After breaking up with my ex, who, looking back, displayed quite a few narcissistic traits, I thought we could remain friends.

And for a while, we did.

But when I started dating someone new, the dynamic changed.

Suddenly, my ex wanted to talk… all the time.

Random texts in the middle of the day about nothing in particular, late-night phone calls “just to check-in”, showing up at places they knew I’d be.

At first, it felt innocent enough, like they were genuinely trying to maintain our friendship.

But as time went on, their constant need for contact felt suffocating and disruptive to my new relationship.

According to psychology, this isn’t unusual for narcissists.

They may attempt to stay in contact in an effort to maintain control or disrupt your new relationship.

It’s important to remember that you’re not obligated to stay in touch if it feels uncomfortable or unhealthy.

Setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist ex.

3) They may try to sabotage your new relationship

Brace yourself because this one can be a tough pill to swallow.

I’m talking about the subtle, sneaky ways a narcissist ex might attempt to sabotage your new relationship.

They might start spreading rumors or sharing private information about you with your new partner, all in an effort to create distrust and discord.

Why do they do this?

Well, it’s their way of trying to regain control.

If they can create chaos in your new relationship, it keeps them in the center of your attention – exactly where a narcissist wants to be.

This is a painful reality to accept, especially when you’re trying to move on and build something new.

4) They’ll flaunt their own new relationship

It’s a bizarre game of ‘tit for tat’.

Once they know you’re seeing someone new, a narcissist ex might suddenly reveal that they too, are in a new relationship.

And not just any relationship – they’ll make it seem like they’ve found the perfect partner and are living the dream.

From social media posts to mutual friends, they’ll find ways to ensure you’re aware of their newfound happiness.

The catch? It’s usually not about them moving on, but about trying to provoke a reaction from you.

5) They’ll gaslight you

Ever heard of gaslighting?

It’s a term derived from the 1944 movie “Gaslight”, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her mind.

In real life, narcissists are often masters of this technique.

When you start dating someone new, your narcissist ex might twist past events or conversations, making you question your memory or judgement.

“You’re overreacting,” or “that’s not how it happened,” they might say, aiming to create doubt and confusion in your mind.

This psychological manipulation can leave you feeling anxious and unsure of yourself.

6) They might criticize your new partner

Picture this.

You’ve found someone new, someone who treats you with respect and kindness, and you’re genuinely happy.

Then, out of the blue, your narcissist ex starts to criticize your new partner. They might subtly point out your partner’s flaws or compare them unfavorably to themselves.

It hurts. It feels unfair and unkind.

But this isn’t about your new partner at all.

It’s another way for the narcissist to try and maintain control and influence over you.

So, take a deep breath and remind yourself of the good in your life now.

It’s okay to protect your peace and choose who gets to have an opinion on your choices.

7) They might try to make you jealous

At the end of the day, a narcissist ex might pull every trick in the book to make you jealous.

They might flaunt their new relationship, talk about how they’ve “upgraded” or even directly tell you about all the fun they’re having without you.

This can be quite hurtful, especially when you’re trying to move on.

Ultimately though, their actions are not a reflection of your worth or desirability.

Don’t let their attempts to ruffle your feathers shake your confidence.

Your happiness should not be dependent on their actions or opinions. Hold your head high and focus on building a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your new partner.

Moving forward

If you’ve recognized some of these signs in your own experience, you’re not alone.

Dealing with a narcissist ex can be challenging, especially when you’re trying to move on and start afresh.

But remember, their actions are more about them than they are about you.

It’s their way of trying to maintain control and influence.

You don’t have to play their game.

Start by acknowledging the situation for what it is. Then, set clear boundaries for your interactions. Choose not to engage in their drama. Protect your peace and prioritize your own happiness.

Moving on from a narcissist ex can be tough, but it’s not impossible.

At the end of the day, it’s your life. Don’t let anyone else hold the reins.

You deserve happiness, respect, and a love that feels safe and genuine.

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