Anger At SO Many Things!
I’m getting a little concerned about myself.
Last year around this time, I was being buried under despair and hopelessness. This year, I’m just pissed.
Anger is starting to rise up in a way I haven’t dealt with since I first started hitting menopause (and my then husband started cheating on me and emotionally attacking me!) It’s affecting my digestion and my ability to handle anyone’s bullshit.
For example, I’m starting to lash out at Cat because I’m so sick of her revolving, selfish pessimism. Even my uncle dying made me relieved, but also pissed, because it reminded me all over again how he wronged me and contributed to some real misery in my life.
The suffering humans inflict upon the planet’s biosphere and one another is such a fucking waste! As I watch our great democratic experiment implode and multiple natural and manufactured systems begin to crash, all very predictably, my frustration at nearly everyone and everything keeps growing.
Simultaneously, my health is deteriorating. The migraines almost every day on top of my CFIDS means I don’t have the personal resources to use my anger to get anything accomplished, which results in my being impotently frustrated. So all that ire has absolutely nowhere to go!
It’s not a healthy combination, to say the least…
I suppose it’s better to be angry than depressed, but just barely. Either mood can threaten my life or way of life. I could possibly get myself thrown out of my home, for example, if I express myself too harshly with my landlady/friend.
I’m trying to use whatever momentum I can from this to at least overcome my fear to take care of some things, like getting my next dental visit tackled, or figuring out how to get Earned Income Credit from my tax returns. That’s the only thing I can think of– because anger seems like the only way through the fear that otherwise rules my life.
Source: https://lucretiasheart.livejournal.com/1724890.html
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