Cashman's Coupon Clippers

WTF is going on in the Bronx?

The New York Yankees need to get their offseason act together, because right now this front office looks like it’s running a yard sale instead of a franchise worth billions. We’re weeks into the winter and what has Brian Cashman done? Exactly what he always does: rummage through the bargain bin, dust off something nobody else wanted, and parade it around like he just discovered fire.

Translation: “Nope, we’re not spending on stars. Nope, we’re not being bold. But hey, look at this guy we got for the cost of a Staten Island studio apartment!”

And the latest episode of “Cashman’s Coupon Clippers” features… Bradley Hanner. Yep. A righty from Cleveland who hasn’t even sniffed the big leagues yet. The Yankees announced him like he was some secret weapon, when in reality it’s another scratch-off ticket. If he makes the roster, he pockets 800K. If he doesn’t, he’s another Matt Blake science experiment.

Why? Honestly—why? Why why why why why?

We’re told his sweeper is promising and that Matt Blake can unlock his potential. Cute idea. But if Blake is some pitching wizard, maybe he could fix the bullpen we already have instead of Cashman dragging home another fixer-upper from the MLB clearance rack.

Yes, Hanner give “depth,” but here’s the real question: Where’s the sure thing? Where’s the guy you don’t hope succeeds, but know succeeds? Where’s the actual investment?

Oh right—forgot. Hal Steinbrenner is too busy polishing his spreadsheets to care. As long as the luxury tax stays comfy and the profits stay warm, why bother building a championship roster? The man treats the Yankees like a boutique hotel chain, not a baseball powerhouse.

And Cashman? Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. A coupon-hoarding, penny-pinching mastermind who loves nothing more than pretending mediocrity is a strategic masterstroke. The man sees a $2 reliever and thinks he found the Holy Grail.

I’m sorry, but I’m done. Not with the players—never with the players—but with this front office that absolutely, unequivocally DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THE HELL IT’S DOING. Why should fans dump money into tickets, merch, and concessions when the Yankees won’t put real money into the team?

They’ve made rooting for this franchise feel like a chore. Painful. Embarrassing. A test of endurance. Why do you think I never write anymore? It’s the same story every day? There’s nothing interesting with this team.

I’m not going back to the Stadium until Boone is gone and this front office stops treating the Yankees like a budget cosplay of the Tampa Bay Rays. We’re soft. Softer than pudding. And at this rate, we’re not getting back to being competitive anytime soon.

Hanner’s Triple-A numbers show potential, sure—but potential isn’t the problem. The problem is that the New York freaking Yankees shouldn’t be bargain hunting. They should be setting the standard. Instead? They’re clipping coupons and praying.

They’re not a serious franchise.