The Permanent Impact of Divorce on Children - Erica Komisar
In this 6 April 2026 published Modern Wisdom video, host Chris Williamson talks with Erica Komisar, is a psychoanalyst, parenting expert, and author.
Why do we assume kids will be okay after divorce? As separation becomes more common, the long-term impact on a child’s development is often overlooked. So what actually happens, and can divorce ever be done without damage?
Expect to learn what most adults misunderstand about how deeply divorce affects kids, why constant parental conflict causes damage to children so deeply and what it does to a child’s stress system and brain development, why 50-50 custody might be a terrible idea for children, what the long-term psychological consequences are from a neglectful parent and more.
https://youtu.be/0s1KWdTB3NM
0:00 Why is Erica’s Work So Controversial?
1:22 The Hidden Impacts of Divorce on Children
4:19 How Stress Rewires a Child’s Development
11:05 Is Amicable Divorce Still Damaging?
14:22 Why 50/50 Custody Might Not Be the Best Solution
22:13 Should Fathers Take a Back Seat?
26:18 Is There Ever a Good Time to Get Divorced?
30:52 How Divorce Shapes a Child’s Future
33:04 Boys vs Girls: Who Suffers More?
34:57 Is Separation During Pregnancy Dangerous?
42:02 Why Do Children Blame Themselves?
50:47 Why Divorce Feels Like Grief For Children
52:25 The Best Time to Break the News
54:26 The Worst Ways to Explain Divorce
59:27 Why Promises Can Backfire in Divorce
01:01:19 What Makes a Divorce “Good” or “Bad”?
01:05:22 Why Stability Matters More Than You Think
01:08:31 How Much Time Should Each Parent Get?
01:14:15 Why Babies Must Come First
01:19:06 How Can Parents Stay Emotionally Steady?
01:21:36 What Does Secure Attachment Really Look Like?
01:27:58 How the Feminist Movement Left Children Behind
01:35:09 Why Daycare is the Worst Place For Children
01:38:21 We Can’t Ignore Early Attachment
01:40:13 Are Attachment Styles Inherited?
01:41:17 Are Babies Born Aggressive?
01:49:54 How Children Cope With Absence
01:53:25 The Discomfort of Sacrifice When Raising Healthy Children
01:59:34 The Toughest Realisations For Modern Mothers
02:09:16 Why Trust is Everything
02:13:17 The Problems Associated With Female Breadwinners
02:23:26 Why Emotional Presence Matters Just as Much as Physical
02:29:33 Where to Find Erica
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